I am sad. Tonight, I feel like I borderline hate myself. Tonight, I feel like I’ve failed myself. I feel like I’m never going to change, like I’m going to be this ‘screwed up’ little girl forever, and there’s no hope for me. I’ll always complicate friendships, always be this afraid girl hiding from the world, always have low self esteem, and always have to pretend that I’m okay for everyone else. I’ll never see my dad again, I’ll be alone forever, and I’ll grow up doing nothing with myself, sit in my room and dream of what could have been of my life.
My head is screaming these things at me. I’m trying to block them out and focus on God, what his promises say, trusting God is able to transform us, having faith in the fact that He is a healer of broken hearts, broken spirits, and brokenness overall. He will never leave or forsake His child. Right now, I just don’t feel it at all. However, faith is still trusting and believing even when you can’t see, hear, or feel your Father. This is why I still fight.
