Even though things aren’t always the way I want them to be, I’m still so grateful for all the wonderful things I do have.
Even though the people around me aren’t perfect, I’m so grateful to even have real relationships and friendships with people who genuinely care about me.
Even though I’m not the best person in the world, even though I still have many issues, I’m so grateful that there’s always a choice to change. I’m so grateful that we don’t have to just settle, but we can strive and become better people.
I’m just happy.
Each day is a new lesson. &I’m glad I’m still learning how to be a better person.
I am sad. Tonight, I feel like I borderline hate myself. Tonight, I feel like I’ve failed myself. I feel like I’m never going to change, like I’m going to be this ‘screwed up’ little girl forever, and there’s no hope for me. I’ll always complicate friendships, always be this afraid girl hiding from the world, always have low self esteem, and always have to pretend that I’m okay for everyone else. I’ll never see my dad again, I’ll be alone forever, and I’ll grow up doing nothing with myself, sit in my room and dream of what could have been of my life.
My head is screaming these things at me. I’m trying to block them out and focus on God, what his promises say, trusting God is able to transform us, having faith in the fact that He is a healer of broken hearts, broken spirits, and brokenness overall. He will never leave or forsake His child. Right now, I just don’t feel it at all. However, faith is still trusting and believing even when you can’t see, hear, or feel your Father. This is why I still fight.
They say ignorance is bliss. Being ignorant means you’ll never know the bad, so you’ll just be happy most of the time. But you know what’s even better than that? Learning how to handle the bad situations around you, and still live your life happily and stronger than you would have before.
I have a tendency to get too worked up about things, so bare with me.
But I’m about to officially start PAINTING! And I’m all so excited because I haven’t really sat down and painted for about 8 months.(: The last picture I painted was for my dad right before he left.
On the right, you’ll see I have everything I need, paint, my new canvas (woop woop), muh brushes, water, and some apple sauce to snack during this time. With some chill christian music playing in the back (So High - by Group One Crew), and I’m ready to go! :D
