Even though things aren’t always the way I want them to be, I’m still so grateful for all the wonderful things I do have.
Even though the people around me aren’t perfect, I’m so grateful to even have real relationships and friendships with people who genuinely care about me.
Even though I’m not the best person in the world, even though I still have many issues, I’m so grateful that there’s always a choice to change. I’m so grateful that we don’t have to just settle, but we can strive and become better people.
I’m just happy.
Each day is a new lesson. &I’m glad I’m still learning how to be a better person.
This could be also be a reason why I love taking walks.
There’s a freedom that comes with roaming the streets, talking to people you’ve never seen before, and probably will never see again. Striking up a conversations with the sad kid that sits by himself in the park, saying -Hello and -Good morning to the random strangers that pass by, wondering if your smile and kind gestures impacted their day, their life, just as much as the homeless woman’s smile impacted yours.
When I’m walking down the streets and watch the cars pass by, I realize that at that moment, I don’t have to belong anywhere. I am free in the world, to be who want, to express myself freely without having to hear what others have to say about it, to start up conversations with random people without others around me being embarrassed to be associated with me, to sing out loud with my whole heart to the music I love.
If I knew how to take others judgments towards me and throw them in the trash, I think I wouldn’t feel so out of place all the time. Instead, I hold onto them. I remember the odd faces people give me. I never forget the times people are really embarrassed to be around me, when I’m simply being myself. It feels like the things people say are imprinted into my mind.
I walk for hours. I sit in the park for hours. I sit at the piano for hours. I write for hours. I read my bible for hours. I could be in church for hours.
Those are the only times I feel “okay”. At ease. Like that’s where I’m supposed to be. It feels that’s where I belong, because there are no limits to who I am supposed to be there, there’s no requirements you have to meet to belong there. You’re just you, you just express yourself however you want, and you’ll automatically belong.
They love me more than I thought I ever deserved to be loved, and they’ve believed in me when it seemed there was no hope for me. I struggle with the absence of a father, with feeling alone, and with having friends that don’t truly fill the holes missing in my life. But then I can look back over my life, and see all these amazing people who have picked me up when I was on the floor, who showed me the strengths I didn’t know I had, who taught me the things my parents never taught me, and have taken me off of my path of destruction, onto a new path that will bring me to where I need to be. It’s the hardest thing ever to turn from who I was, turn from old mindsets, and come out my comfort zone. But they were there through all of my tears, wiping them away. They were there through all of my triumphs, celebrating with me. They were there to remind me of my worth, when I felt I was worth nothing, and was willing to just die. These people are my church family, and I’ve never met any others like them. I could complain about all I feel is missing in my life, but when I look back and recall what I do have, I can’t help but smile.
Everybody stop what you’re doing and watch this!
- Lifecycle
I should… not do that anymore.
